#TELLALLTUESDAY : NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ME.

I have a confession, more so something that I hate to admit to myself. I am a victim of domestic violence ( physical and mental abuse). What I hate more is the fact that it is so much more common than people think or what they'd like to believe. It is something that effects me everyday especially with current relationships whether romantic or just friendships. It would take forever to tell my story with every little detail but you'll get the gist of it. I am very defensive when it comes to everything. I hate how much my ex tried to make everything " my fault ", so when people tell me things now for my benefit, majority of the time I find myself being defensive with them. The good thing is I always catch myself and redirect the conversation. I also used to find myself apologizing for things I should not feel the need to apologize for. For example, just being unapologetically me. I lost myself trying to make sure I was this great, supportive, amazing girlfriend but I never had any of that reciprocated. It was like OUR relationship was about only HIM. If it did not benefit him or it was something he had no interest in, it showed. During arguments he would get loud and very angry, he would also slightly have temper tantrums or just ignore me. The shit was all around toxic in so many ways.  I remember every time that man would put his hands around my throat and choke me. I remember fighting him off. I remember trying to leave our apartment that we shared and he just kept pacing back and forth blocking the front door until he finally just picked me up and body slammed me on the living room floor. I still have pictures of blood on the door from a fight I wasn't even aware we had the night before when I came in from going out with friends. And I can still picture the holes put into my bedrooms doors. Every time I think of these things I just thank God I'm no longer apart of the situation and I'm glad neither of our children were ever in the house when these things would take place. It didn't stop once the relationship was over. For about a year, my ex harassed me, threatened me, played on my feelings for his child, stalked me, & threatened and argued with my friends and family. I even tried to talk with his mother about the situations when they happened and she enabled him, she begged me not to call the police and think of his children. I can't respect her for those reasons. EVER!