Not Enough Coffee

The internet can teach you so much. There are so many resources you can use. If you honestly research whatever it is you're wanting to succeed at and put the effort into your work, there is no way you should fail. 

        I've been researching, second guessing myself , starting over , procrastinating , flipping ideas , going crazy trying to implement EVERYTHING ( my hobbies became my passions ) into one business move. I have started multiple different endeavors that all corrolate pretty much around the same industry. 

       I've been talking to my family and friends about it for years. It doesn't happen overnight. I have a few people I consider not only friends but mentors. Those who have already experienced what I am wanting to accomplish. 

I have always been about collaboration over competition because I am a firm believer that there's enough money and success out here for everyone and we should all be encouraging each other instead of at each others throats. I have never been a hater. Anything someone has or does that I want or I am interested, I take the steps so that I can get it. Anything you want is in your reach and yes sometimes it takes you a little longer than others to get there. YOU have your own journey and you have to become one with yourself to figure out exactly what that is. 

There will always be nay sayers, people who secretly want to see you fail that call themselves your friends, people who will copy your dreams, etc.. Push them to the side, you don't need that negativity! Do not stoop to their level. Do not feed into their shade. Remind yourself " I do not need to dim anyone else's light in order for me to shine! "

Don't let anyone tell you NO , or that you won't make it, or can't do it. If you ever feel like giving up, talk to your closet friends, your significant other, family, gurus of whatever interest you have. Listen to positive, motivating, and business savvy podcasts. Create a space where you can meditate and reflect and work. 

I promise you got this babe. Tell them that you've arrived and you ain't never going no where

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I have a confession, more so something that I hate to admit to myself. I am a victim of domestic violence ( physical and mental abuse). What I hate more is the fact that it is so much more common than people think or what they'd like to believe. It is something that effects me everyday especially with current relationships whether romantic or just friendships. It would take forever to tell my story with every little detail but you'll get the gist of it. I am very defensive when it comes to everything. I hate how much my ex tried to make everything " my fault ", so when people tell me things now for my benefit, majority of the time I find myself being defensive with them. The good thing is I always catch myself and redirect the conversation. I also used to find myself apologizing for things I should not feel the need to apologize for. For example, just being unapologetically me. I lost myself trying to make sure I was this great, supportive, amazing girlfriend but I never had any of that reciprocated. It was like OUR relationship was about only HIM. If it did not benefit him or it was something he had no interest in, it showed. During arguments he would get loud and very angry, he would also slightly have temper tantrums or just ignore me. The shit was all around toxic in so many ways. I remember every time that man would put his hands around my throat and choke me. I remember fighting him off. I remember trying to leave our apartment that we shared and he just kept pacing back and forth blocking the front door until he finally just picked me up and body slammed me on the living room floor. I still have pictures of blood on the door from a fight I wasn't even aware we had the night before when I came in from going out with friends. And I can still picture the holes put into my bedrooms doors. Every time I think of these things I just thank God I'm no longer apart of the situation and I'm glad neither of our children were ever in the house when these things would take place. It didn't stop once the relationship was over. For about a year, my ex harassed me, threatened me, played on my feelings for his child, stalked me, & threatened and argued with my friends and family. I even tried to talk with his mother about the situations when they happened and she enabled him, she begged me not to call the police and think of his children. I can't respect her for those reasons. EVER!

The first year of our relationship was so good and I never thought something like this would happen to me but it did and I can admit, I ignored several signs. Looking back, I can now recognize things I didn't before that I should've taken heed of and left the relationship. I used to be one of those people who would say "Couldn't be me, I'd leave him, I'd fight back" but when put in the situation, the tables definitely turned. It's still so crazy to me that I am able to tell a little about what I experienced and I want to continue to mentor and spread awareness not only of domestic violence but the signs, behaviors, and characteristics of men who prey on women. Ladies be aware and if you are currently in a situation where you are being physically or mentally abused, please leave! I deserved better! We deserve better !!!!

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